Enjablog

See? You shouldn’t call pregnant people fat either:

New York: Hi! Love your column! I am about five months pregnant (first time). I have now had two people say to me, “Wow you’re really big!” or “You look really pregnant!” And then act astonished that the baby isn’t due for four more months. I find this incredibly annoying. I have gained about five pounds more than I should (according to the books), but I am trying really hard to eat well and exercise. Any suggestions on how to handle this. Right now I just want to sock them, which I think is probably a bad way to handle it.

Thanks!

Carolyn Hax: You’d make your point, though.

Still, I’m not sure you’d be right. Yes being told you’re really big is somewhat insensitive, considering what society currently thinks of women and largeness, but: you’re PREGNANT. Big is in your belly. Big is good. Big is a compliment. Unless they ask whether you’re carrying a twin in your butt, in which case it’s not a compliment.

Columbia, Md.: Ok, after reading the response from the “really big” pregnant woman, I wonder if I have been horribly rude all these years. When a woman I know is pregnant, and excited about it, typically when I see her around 4-5+ months (especially if I found out the news via phone) I say (excitedly) “Wow! You really look pregnant/are really showing!” or something like that. To me, it’s like admiring shoes she bought and is really psyched about, but am I wrong? I’m a woman, and only do this with people I consider good friends if it matters.

Carolyn Hax: Idunno, said by the right person in the right way, just about anything is okay, and said by the wrong person the wrong way, just about anything is offensive. I don’t want to say, “Yeah, that’s bad,” and end up making you bite your tongue on genuine expressions of admiration.

Suggestions for the stumped: For your good friends, you can’t lose with, “Wow, you look beautiful”– and if they don’t look beautiful or arent’ good friends, “Wow, you look so happy.”

Anywhere: Hi Carolyn,

So here’s a problem I never thought I’d have. An unintentional side effect of a medical issue is that I have lost a lot of weight in the last year. I am eating three square meals a day, taking medicine, and working with my doctor to get back to a healthy weight. In the meantime, co-workers will come up to me and remark, “Gee, you sure are skinny” or something like that. This is really awkward for me because I really don’t know how to respond. I don’t know some of these people well and I don’t feel that I should have to disclose my medical history on demand. Plus, I’m never sure if the remark is intended as a misguided compliment or as an implication that I am purposefully hurting myself. What’s a good response to this? “Mind your own business” seems kind of harsh, but on the other hand, I would never go up to someone and say “Gee, you look pudgy today.”

Thoughts?

Thanks.

Carolyn Hax: I imagine some mean it as a compliment and some are expressing concern. To all I’d try just saying, “Thanks.” Then neither of you will know what you’re thanking them for, and you can use that confusion to change the subject.

Wow. Her chat was really good this week. Stop pointing at people and laughing. Well, unless they’re being angry. Then laugh away! :) -J.

Just a rambling to-do list today. Nothing interesting.

Didn’t do the errands thing yesterday. Got lunch with the roomie, took a nap, hung out some more. Intended to make cookies, but ended up eating cookies instead. Need to be productive today. Put my shelf doober together. Spied on the neighbors. This week: fire trucks. Went to bed at 5. Got up at 10 to put together packages to mail. Took a nap while waiting for the new roomie to move in. Maybe watching the VT-USC game tonight. Need to track down Jackee about house stuff. Need to do the birthday present shopping thing. Holding onto my sanity with my last ounce of strength. Planning yet another weekend when I can hole up and hide from the world, but somehow it just never seems to work out. Maybe mid-September. Need to mark calendar. Bank, groceries, library, bookstore, need more cookies… Tomorrow should be fun. Hope I can stay awake. :) -J.

QOTD: Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven’t talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they’re up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don’t wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone’s away message may change.

LOTD: Template generator that I used to make over my blog to make it look like it used to, but different.