Miss Manners, revisited
Posted in LOTD on 10/04/2005 06:56 pm by enjanerdSo, I’ve been getting some flak from a few people on this whole “and guest” issue. Honestly, I know I’m making a big deal out of this simply because my family (defined as people in my immediate family who anger me right now) angers me. But they are showing a blatant disregard for common courtesy all across the board here. If it were just this, I wouldn’t care. If it were just
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights movie 9 movie download Narc psp 4 or 5 things, it wouldn’t be that big a deal. If it were just
my brother being ignorant, I’d write him off and be done with. But it’s not. So, this is what I’m taking issue with today.
My mom said last night that she knows nothing about etiquette, whether it be Chinese, American, Spanish, whatever. And yet she has made no effort to rectify this situation. If she actually had any interest in not offending people, she could just ask someone. Or even read the Emily Post etiquette book that Sonny picked up on sale a few years ago (which I’m pretty sure he left at their house).
My issue isn’t that they are ignorant. My problem is that they are putting up this facade of being proper and then having no interest in actually being polite. They are saying that they don’t know anything about etiquette and when I tell them something they have done was rude or improper, I’m told that it’s ok to do that. “Everyone does it.” (Although, if I were to ever use that claim, I’d undoubtedly get laughed out of the house.) So if you think you know proper etiquette, why don’t you stand by that claim and actually show it? Why hide behind “I don’t know anything about it,” when you have no intention of altering your actions?
So, now I’m caught up in this stupid discussion about the appropriate way to address an envelope when that’s really not the issue here at all. As much as I know I shouldn’t believe everything I read on the internet, I have yet to find a site that encourages people to write “and guest” when they are familiar with the significant other of the person being invited. I’ve only looked through the first 20 links so far, but I think that’s enough. This is the most applicable Q&A I found regarding the topic:
Q: My brother and his live-in girlfriend are angry with me because on their wedding invitation I sent, I wrote “George Smith & Guest”. What is proper?
A: So here’s the bad news: technically, yes, there’s not an etiquette book on the planet that doesn’t pooh-pooh the “…and Guest” addendum. The idea is that if you know the invitee well enough to want them present on your special day, you should really take the time to just ask them whether there’s someone specific that they would like to bring along to the event, and to then include that guest’s name on the invitation. It looks more personal and reads as a whole lot more welcoming. And given that this is your brother’s live-in girlfriend, and presumably someone whose name you were already pretty dang familiar with, it really would have been nicer to write her name on the envelope as well. I’m assuming, however, that you meant her no slight in addressing her as “Guest,” and that you were simply following what you thought was the appropriate protocol. These things happen, and there’s no sense in letting a bad vibe spring up between you and the two of them for something that’s really pretty small in the grand scheme of things. The best thing to do is simply apologize. Explain that it was an honest mistake born out of your sincere belief that you were following the proper etiquette, and not some passive-aggressive jibe; let her know that you very much look forward to having her there to help you celebrate your wedding … because chances are good, that’s all she wants to know anyway.
Keeping in mind that this wasn’t a mailed invitation (.: there was no issue of multiple names confusing the postman), or one that was handed to me, alone. This was handed to me while I was standing next to my SO, with the verbal instruction, “You can bring Ian or someone else if you want.”
So, do what you want. I’m done with being offended by you people. I’m using this all as a growing experience. And by growing experience, I mean blog fodder. At least if I continue to be angry, it’ll give me something to write about. And who doesn’t like updates?
LOTD: beedogs