Enjablog

Mom, don’t freak out, but I’m pre-pregnant.

I know this is so two months ago, but I thought it was still worthy of ridicule.

Among other things, this means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control.

Doesn’t that mean women should also not drink, take medications, or, I don’t know, ride roller coasters? It’s not like women are going to listen to these guidelines anyway, but shouldn’t everyone refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight, and keep chronic conditions under control? No, of course not. Men can do what they want. But women? Women are the carriers of the future. We must make sure all women bring healthy babies into the world. It’s not the government’s responsibility to make sure they have healthcare or are capable of taking care of or raising these babies. No, just bring live, healthy babies to term.

I’m not that familiar with many medications, but I know there are a number of mental health medications that you shouldn’t take while pregnant. And all the drug commercials on tv say stuff about not taking while pregnant, but I think that might just be a precaution. I know I would much rather have people take their proper medications than worry about being pre-pregnant.

Also, I thought this should, at most, only apply to sexually active women of child-bearing age. But Ian educated me on that. Women are child-making machines. You never know when you could be walking down the street and all of a sudden a man looks at you and *boom* you’re pregnant. That and these are the same people who think that rape and incest victims shouldn’t be allowed the right to choose abortion. You wouldn’t want to increase the mortality rate of those unwanted pregnancies or risk a miscarriage.

Women should also make sure all vaccinations are up-to-date and avoid contact with lead-based paints and cat feces, Biermann said.

I’m sorry, cat feces? I was all with you until that last item on your list. Everyone should make sure their vaccinations are up to date. And as a general rule, don’t eat paint chips. But I don’t need a doctor to tell me to stay away from cat feces!

So, uh… Thanks, CDC. I’ll get right on that and start not smoking and being not fat.