Hold still so I can kick you in the face
Posted in Work on 10/25/2006 09:42 pm by enjanerdIs it bad that every once in a while, I just want to kick one of my coworkers in the face?
****
He says: “I’ve been doing this for 25 years. I can report this however I want and [the client] will take what I give them.”
He means: “You can’t possibly be right. I’m an *expert*. You’re just a little girl.”
I hear: “I’ve been doing addition for as long as you’ve been alive. I’m not competent enough to do anything else.”
****
He says: “I need this out to 4 decimal places.” (We’re talking meters here, so he wants accuracy to a tenth of a millimeter.)
He means: “I’m trying to fudge some numbers. Make them up so I can blame them on you.”
I hear: “I have nothing better to do than to waste your time. I’m sure you had nothing else to do today. I’ll wait.”
****
Him: “Are you sure these numbers are right?” (This being the fourth time in as many days that he asked me this.)
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “They’re not the same as the old numbers.”
Me: “Right.” Duh, that’s why I gave them to him. They’re *gasp* new numbers.
Him: “They need to be right. I don’t want to have to enter these more than once.” Starts explaining how difficult his job is…
Me: “That’s your job. Please use the new numbers. I don’t want to continue arguing over a few kilograms of difference.”
Him: “This is more than just a few kilograms: 10 here, 12 there…”
Me: “Use the new numbers.” *Walks away*
3 hours later…
Him: “I just finished entering those numbers. There was a difference of 100kg!”
Let me clarify this. We are working on a project that weighs thousands of tons. Emphasis on the thousands and the tons. This is like getting weighed at the doctor’s office and emptying a receipt out of your pocket because that is going to make the difference. It’s like election day when your vote is the one that’s going to break the tie! (Haha just kidding. Your vote really *does* matter. Don’t forget to vote! November 7th. Mark your calendar.)
****
Other annoyances:
- He claps everywhere he goes. Pro: You can hear him coming from the other end of the hall. Con: He continues to clap when he’s in your office. Even if you are on the phone.
- Narrates what goes on outside my window, which faces a hotel across the street. “Oh, there’s a truck.” “Looks like they’re watering their plants over there.” “There must be a convention or something going on.”
- Smells like onions. I don’t know what he eats for lunch every day, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were an onion.
****
Epilogue:
It’s not all bad. This gives me a good opportunity to really make use of the behavioral modification psych class I took. It would help if I weren’t so angry all the time. But even so, I’ve stopped responding when he talks about things unrelated to work. I usually continue typing/working when he comes in and don’t even make eye contact if he’s just there to waste time. His “visits” last only one or two sentences these days if I’m the only one in my office. (I need to start training my other coworkers not to engage him around me.) If he brings work, I immediately stop what I’m working on and pretend to be attentive.
On a day to day basis, interactions are fairly minimal. When I actually have to work with him, though, it’s difficult because he’s not good at his job. I don’t know how to alter that behavior yet…