Enjablog

I know this video has made the rounds and I’m like a day behind on this. But I think it’s awesome that Virginia is getting so much attention this year!

I love the look on Katie’s face 35 seconds into this clip. That’s the look I offer my coworkers way more than I mean to.

Dear Enjanerd:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully,
Minister of Treasury Paulson

Aarrrrgghh-2-d-2

Avast! ‘Tis Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Yeah, uh. It’s an entertaining holiday and all, but that’s about all I got. Hope everyone has a fun time today! :)

Why do pirates like communists?
Because of the U.S.S.AARRRRRRRRR!

Why did the pirate ship look so good?
They used varrrrrrrnish!

What did the Pirate who injured his knee get?
Arrrrrrrrthroscopic surgery!

How do pirate programs get input?
Through ARRRGV and ARRRGC!

What did Black Beard say to his men before they got on the ship?
Let’s get on the ship, men!

More Pirate Jokes… Come on. You know you’re going to click it. You need to have some good pirate jokes on hand, especially if you go out tonight.

Oh, Thomas/Finney. How I’ve missed you.

:)

My other book arrived yesterday too. So I’m all set to get studying!

NewGirl and BoyToy arrived bright and early this morning and are out catching up with other friends. So, tonight’s my chance to get some studying in before our non-stop weekend o’ fun.

I will leave you with this:

A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Suddenly, the constant function sees a differential operator approaching, turns around, and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry.

“Well, you see, there’s this differential operator coming this way, and when we meet, he’ll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me…!”

“Ah,” says e^x, “he won’t bother ME, I’m e-to-the-x!” and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.

e^x : “Hi, I’m e^x”

diff.op. : “Hi, I’m d/dy”

*tehee*

I’ve been reading Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison, a memoir about a guy with Asperger’s. I’m loving it and am recognizing a lot of similar quirks that I have. Relating to that, today’s Agnes just seemed so appropriate:

Every once in a while, I take a browse through my spam filter to make sure nothing is getting accidentally trashed. You will be shocked to see what I received today. Shocked, I tell you.

I no longer get spam from Nigerian princes. Oh, no. American soldiers trying to give me a piece of Hussein’s riches. Oh boy!

FROM: Sgt. Andrew Smith
Good day to you My name is Sgt. Andrew Smith I am an American soldier, I am serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq. I am now in Kuwait in the mean time, I and my partner moved funds belonging to Saddam Hussein, the total is $25,000,000.00 (Twenty Five million US dollars) this money is being kept safe in a security company. Click on this link to read about even that took place here http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm Basically since we are working for the American government we cannot keep these funds, but we want to transfer and move the funds to you, so that you can keep it for us in your safe account or an offshore account. We will divide the total funds in three ways, since we are 3 that is involved. This means that you will take 30percent, I will take 30percent, and my partner will take 30percent, 10percent will be kept aside for expenses. This business is confidential, and it should not be discussed with anyone. There is no risk involved whatsoever. If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can i trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. This business is risk free. Please reply me via this email:sgt_andrewsmith01@hotmail.com Respectfully submitted
Sgt. Andrew Smith

Maybe I will have to give him Ian’s most confidential telephone number (703-555-5555).

*Disclaimer* This is probably offensive to some people. So, uh… Don’t take offense. *Disclaimer*

What do you call a mentally disabled prostitute? Hotard.

Ok, so it’s a bus line that I’ve seen outside my office two days in a row now. Why would you name a company that? Is that a person’s name? Did they make it up? Just sounds weird to me.

Here’s a joke I heard last week. Maybe it’ll make up for the Hotard thing…

How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!! :) -j.

Why are pirates so mean?
Because they ARRRRRRE!

Happy birthday, Sean!

It’s not even 9pm and I want to go to bed. G’nite. :) -j.

JOTD: “Do you know how fast you were going?” asks the cop.
And Professor Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am!”

An Academic Question: “In its April Fools’ Day issue, Scientific American published a spoof editorial in which it apologized for endorsing the theory of evolution just because it’s ‘the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time,’ saying that ‘as editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.’ And it conceded that it had succumbed ‘to the easy mistake of thinking that scientists understand their fields better than, say, U.S. senators or best-selling novelists do.’”

The quote doesn’t have much to do with the actual bulk of the piece, but I found it funny, in light of recent conversations. Column touches on Republicans/Conservatives vs. liberal academia, the coming of lawsuits for what is (or is not) covered in class, and government imposing their beliefs on science:

“Think of the message this sends: today’s Republican Party - increasingly dominated by people who believe truth should be determined by revelation, not research - doesn’t respect science, or scholarship in general. It shouldn’t be surprising that scholars have returned the favor by losing respect for the Republican Party.”

“Soon, biology professors who don’t give creationism equal time with evolution and geology professors who dismiss the view that the Earth is only 6,000 years old might face lawsuits.”

And, I had to find that article, so I stole it from here:

from their editorial

Okay, We Give Up

There’s no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don’t mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there’s no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong.

In retrospect, this magazine’s coverage of socalled evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it.

Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.

Moreover, we shamefully mistreated the Intelligent Design (ID) theorists by lumping them in with creationists. Creationists believe that God designed all life, and that’s a somewhat religious idea. But ID theorists think that at unspecified times some unnamed superpowerful entity designed life, or maybe just some species, or maybe just some of the stuff in cells. That’s what makes ID a superior scientific theory: it doesn’t get bogged down in details.

Good journalism values balance above all else. We owe it to our readers to present everybody’s ideas equally and not to ignore or discredit theories simply because they lack scientifically credible arguments or facts. Nor should we succumb to the easy mistake of thinking that scientists understand their fields better than, say, U.S. senators or best-selling novelists do. Indeed, if politicians or special-interest groups say things that seem untrue or misleading, our duty as journalists is to quote them without comment or contradiction. To do otherwise would be elitist and therefore wrong. In that spirit, we will end the practice of expressing our own views in this space: an editorial page is no place for opinions.

Get ready for a new Scientific American. No more discussions of how science should inform policy. If the government commits blindly to building an anti-ICBM defense system that can’t work as promised, that will waste tens of billions of taxpayers’ dollars and imperil national security, you won’t hear about it from us. If studies suggest that the administration’s antipollution measures would actually increase the dangerous particulates that people breathe during the next two decades, that’s not our concern. No more discussions of how policies affect science either — so what if the budget for the National Science Foundation is slashed? This magazine will be dedicated purely to science, fair and balanced science, and not just the science that scientists say is science. And it will start on April Fools’ Day.

Okay, We Give Up

MATT COLLINS
THE EDITORS editors@sciam.com
COPYRIGHT 2005 SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, INC.

JOTD: A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Gin and…………………………..tonic, please.”
The Barkeep says, “Why the big pause?”
The polar bear replies, “I don’t know. My Dad had ‘em too.”

LOTD: Brainpower as easy as X and Y — Men and women are different… Go figure.

A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint.
Bartender asks him, “What’s wrong?”
Byte says, “Parity error.”
Bartender nods and says, “Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off.”

Stolen: bob dylan likes puns, too –

i once lived up over that hill. glad to see it’s still there. that’s where i met my first girlfriend, she was so conceited that we used to call her mimi.

i once dated a tennis player. love meant nothing to her.

and on the drums tonight, david kemper! david’s the only drummer around who would try to make a slow horse fast by just not feeding him.

on the guitar, larry campbell. larry tried to write a song about his bed, but it’s not made up yet.

you’ll have to talk with larry after the show. he was going to go trick or treating as a skeleton, but he can’t find any body to go with him.

Thanks everybody, you’re too kind… You know, I was talking to Neil Young yesterday (audience cheers at the mention of Young) and he said to me, he said ‘Bob, you just can’t hear cool music on the radio anymore…’ and I says to Neil, I says ’sure you just… (a decent pause) you just need to stick your radio in the refrigerator.’”

And completely unrelated: A series of Unfortunate Events– Might take a little while to load if you have a slow connection. I’ll get around to making thumbnails eventually if I remember.