How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Mechanics of Wave Forces on Offshore Structures by Turgut Sarpkaya, Michael Isaacson
Asian American Dreams: The Emergence of an American People by Helen Zia
Unclutter Your Life in One Week by Erin R Doland
I know this video has made the rounds and I’m like a day behind on this. But I think it’s awesome that Virginia is getting so much attention this year!
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Moment of Zen – The Real Virginia | ||||
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I love the look on Katie’s face 35 seconds into this clip. That’s the look I offer my coworkers way more than I mean to.
Dear Enjanerd:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully,
Minister of Treasury Paulson
Aarrrrgghh-2-d-2
Avast! ‘Tis Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Yeah, uh. It’s an entertaining holiday and all, but that’s about all I got. Hope everyone has a fun time today! :)
Why do pirates like communists?
Because of the U.S.S.AARRRRRRRRR!
Why did the pirate ship look so good?
They used varrrrrrrnish!
What did the Pirate who injured his knee get?
Arrrrrrrrthroscopic surgery!
How do pirate programs get input?
Through ARRRGV and ARRRGC!
What did Black Beard say to his men before they got on the ship?
Let’s get on the ship, men!
More Pirate Jokes… Come on. You know you’re going to click it. You need to have some good pirate jokes on hand, especially if you go out tonight.
Oh, Thomas/Finney. How I’ve missed you.
:)
My other book arrived yesterday too. So I’m all set to get studying!
NewGirl and BoyToy arrived bright and early this morning and are out catching up with other friends. So, tonight’s my chance to get some studying in before our non-stop weekend o’ fun.
I will leave you with this:
A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Suddenly, the constant function sees a differential operator approaching, turns around, and runs away. So e^x follows him and asks why the hurry.
“Well, you see, there’s this differential operator coming this way, and when we meet, he’ll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me…!”
“Ah,” says e^x, “he won’t bother ME, I’m e-to-the-x!” and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.
e^x : “Hi, I’m e^x”
diff.op. : “Hi, I’m d/dy”
*tehee*The Pirates of Penzance movie download
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I’ve been reading Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison, a memoir about a guy with Asperger’s. I’m loving it and am recognizing a lot of similar quirks that I have. Relating to that, today’s Agnes just seemed so appropriate:
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Every once in a while, I take a browse through my spam filter to make sure nothing is getting accidentally trashed. You will be shocked to see what I received today. Shocked, I tell you.
I no longer get spam from Nigerian princes. Oh, no. American soldiers trying to give me a piece of Hussein’s riches. Oh boy!
FROM: Sgt. Andrew Smith
Good day to you My name is Sgt. Andrew Smith I am an American soldier, I am serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq. I am now in Kuwait in the mean time, I and my partner moved funds belonging to Saddam Hussein, the total is $25,000,000.00 (Twenty Five million US dollars) this money is being kept safe in a security company. Click on this link to read about even that took place here http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm Basically since we are working for the American government we cannot keep these funds, but we want to transfer and move the funds to you, so that you can keep it for us in your safe account or an offshore account. We will divide the total funds in three ways, since we are 3 that is involved. This means that you will take 30percent, I will take 30percent, and my partner will take 30percent, 10percent will be kept aside for expenses. This business is confidential, and it should not be discussed with anyone. There is no risk involved whatsoever. If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can i trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. This business is risk free. Please reply me via this email:sgt_andrewsmith01@hotmail.com Respectfully submitted
Sgt. Andrew Smith
Maybe I will have to give him Ian’s most confidential telephone number (703-555-5555).The Lost Empire buy The Mouse That Roared Honey ipod
*Disclaimer* This is probably offensive to some people. So, uh… Don’t take offense. *Disclaimer*
What do you call a mentally disabled prostitute? Hotard Slices download
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Ok, so it’s a bus line that I’ve seen outside my office two days in a row now. Why would you name a company that? Is that a person’s name? Did they make it up? Just sounds weird to me.
Here’s a joke I heard last week. Maybe it’ll make up for the Hotard thing…
How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day
!! :) -j.
Why are pirates so mean?
Because they ARRRRRRE!
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Happy birthday, Sean!
It’s not even 9pm and I want to go to bed. G’nite. :) -j.
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download Lost and Delirious movie JOTD: “Do you know how fast you were going?” asks the cop.
Run, Fat Boy, Run hd And Professor Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am!”
JOTD: A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Gin and…………………………..tonic, please.”
The Barkeep says, “Why the big pause?”
The polar bear replies, “I don’t know. My Dad had ‘em too.”
LOTD: Brainpower as easy as X and Y — Men and women are different… Go figure.
A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint.
Mausoleum divx Bartender asks him, “What’s wrong?”
Byte says, “Parity error.”
Bartender nods and says, “Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off.”
Stolen: bob dylan likes puns, too –
i once lived up over that hill. glad to see it’s still there. that’s where i met my first girlfriend, she was so conceited that we used to call her mimi.
i once dated a tennis player. love meant nothing to her.
and on the drums tonight, david kemper! david’s the only drummer around who would try to make a slow horse fast by just not feeding him.
on the guitar, larry campbell. larry tried to write a song about his bed, but it’s not made up yet.
you’ll have to talk with larry after the show. he was going to go trick or treating as a skeleton, but he can’t find any body to go with him.
Thanks everybody, you’re too kind… You know, I was talking to Neil Young yesterday (audience cheers at the mention of Young) and he said to me, he said ‘Bob, you just can’t hear cool music on the radio anymore…’ and I says to Neil, I says ‘sure you just… (a decent pause) you just need to stick your radio in the refrigerator.’”
And completely unrelated: A series of Unfortunate Events– Might take a little while to load if you have a slow connection. I’ll get around to making thumbnails eventually if I remember.
100 Years Ago
The year is 1904 …one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1904:
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as “substandard.”
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. StrokeThe American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn’t been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented.
There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn’t read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.… And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to all of you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years … it staggers the mind.
